Bella May 101: Making it Easy. This journey may be an extremely simple process for BOTH of us, and also SOOOOOOO fun! It's even formulaic; let's learn! (Please note: If you are a person who is easily offended of does not understand sarcasm, please abort this mission IMMEDIATELY! You will only get mad and take it personally! Don't do that! It's all in good fun, my dudes! Trust!)
Step 1: Do your research - I'll bet you ONE MILLION DOLLARS that any question you have (that I would be willing to answer over email) can be answered from THIS site, this site I spent hours and hours and hours and hours working on for that very purpose! This extends to the review sites found on the Links page, which will direct you to "juicy details" for our prospective encounter. BUT WAIT!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not JUST read the juicy details!!! Why? Because then you'll send me all of your screening information, we'll set up a date and time for an appointment, THEN you'll think at the very last minute to check what gratuity you should bring. And every single time this happens? The donation is magically out of your budget. Please, read ALL of the information BEFORE even contacting me. I'm just going to tell you to read the information anyway. SO JUST DO IT!!! please :) Remember the 3 R's: Rates, Reviews, and Ravailability.. Ok, the two R's and an A. :)
Step 2: Contact Bella - I think we all know how to use email. But wait just one second... have you DONE YOUR RESEARCH????? If not, BACK TO STEP ONE! ENRICH YOUR BRAIN, FOOL! Ok, are you enlightened? Great. Contact me in one of three ways: Complete the ENTIRE form on the Contact Page -or- Email me and receive an auto-response indicating the information you must provide before we move forward -or- direct message me on one of the two verification sites I accept for screening: P411 or Date-Check. If you are not familiar with these client (and provider) verification sites, I highly recommend checking them out via the banners found on the Links page. Please let me know if you intend on signing up for one of these sites and I will be happy to guide you through the process! :) Please note that TER is NOT a valid form of screening for me. TER is a REVIEW site, NOT a client verification service. Thanks for your cooperation!
Step 3: Screening and Availability - COMPLETE SCREENING INFORMATION = FULL FIRST AND LAST NAME, CELL PHONE NUMBER, WORK PHONE NUMBER, AGE, OCCUPATION, REFERENCES OF TWO OR MORE PROVIDERS YOU'VE SEEN WITHIN THE PAST 6 MONTHS, INCLUDING THEIR EMAIL ADDRESSES AND WEBSITES. This information is 100% destroyed once I've verified you. I certainly understand some gentlemen feel the need for discretion. I'm just saying that I am completely on board with them, that I am ALL ABOUT that discretion! Logically, it's in my best interest, as well as yours, to keep our business between you and I. If you remain of the paranoid persuasion, you are more than welcome to pursue other providers that better fit your needs. Alternatively, we can discuss using one of the two verification sites I accept: P411 or Date-Check. Thank you kindly!
Bella May 101: Class is in Session!
Tell the truth ,the whole truth, and nothing but the truth: I ask that you please remember that my primary concern is for the SAFETY of both you and me. As such, please provide ALL of the information I request for screening in a prompt, willing manner and remember that the truth is ALWAYS the easiest thing to tell. Over the few years I've been working as a companion, I've been lied to many, many times. How do I know I've been lied to so often? I ALWAYS FIND OUT! :)
AVAILABILITY - Don't forget to ask for WHICH DAY AND WHAT TIME WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET! Also, HOW LONG would you like to meet? Do I need to prepare to host? Or would you like me to travel to you? I NEED ALL OF THIS INFORMATION IF I AM EVER GOING TO SEE YOU!!!!! I CAN"T READ YOUR MIND! I TRIED!!! I GOT A HEADACHE!!!!!!!! If you send me ALL of this information in a single correspondence, you will absolutely get a gold star. And a cookie. And probably a kiss. :) YAY!
Step 4: Between Contact and The Big Day - Nothing. You have literally nothing to do in this time. Enjoy your life, man! Get out and get some sun, take a brisk walk, say hi to a co-worker, make someone's day! What should you NOT do? Email Bella to chat! Because you know what I'm doing??? LIVING MY LIFE! GETTING OUT AND GETTING SOME SUN!!! SAYING HI TO CO-WORKERS! MAKING PEOPLE"S DAYS! :) Cya soon! *Please do not take this to mean you can't email to confirm our appointment or you have to change the time or you have another pertinent question to our upcoming engagement. You KNOW those questions are fine. I KNOW YOU DO! Just no idle chit-chat, silly-balls! ;)
Step 5: The Big Day - Excited? Me too! I know it didn't sound like it for steps 1-4 but guess what. I actually love what I do, when it gets to the doing! I love meeting new people and making them happy. I love to escape with you, to take us both out of this world, at least for some time, to a place much less crueler and judgemental, to a place without stress, pressure, anxiety. I just strongly dislike the administrative duties, of which there are MANY - especially since no one ever follows the steps!!!!!!! AUGHHHH.. Ok, ok.. I'm ok. back to Happy World!!! :) To prepare for our excursion: clean, clean again, communicate location, arrive, drop envelope, clean again. (Relax, enjoy), repeat. :) If we're lucky, repeat again. To be perfectly clear: (1) clean - shower & shave & brush teeth & mouthwash. Doesn't that feel great??? (2) ooh, a few hours have passed by; you've been at work and its really hot in the office because in the winter they turn up the heat like crazy! Maybe by now you're not feeling so clean.. so shower (again) & brush teeth (again). Doesn't that feel great? :) (3) finalize the locale and arrive - If I'm hosting, I'll send you my address the day of our booking. Please do not arrive early. Once you reach the parking lot, please email or text me to know you've arrived so I can run to the door and you won't be standing there awkwardly any longer than necessary. If you're hosting, please send me the address as early as possible so that I may plan my travel accordingly. (4) drop the envelope* - if I'm hosting please place the envelope on the counter or on the dresser as soon as you arrive. If you're hosting, please place the envelope on the bathroom counter before I arrive. Please please don't make me have to ask for it, because it would be awkward! (5) clean again - what??? clean AGAIN you say???? Yes, I do say! Now if you've already showered within an hour or two of our appointment, of course you don't have to again.. I do care for the environment and all! But please, please, for the love of all that is UTI, please WASH YOUR HANDS after you drop the envelope. If you want those hands to be anywhere on/in any special part of me, you had better scrub up. Bacteria is EVERYWHERE, on EVERY surface we touch; your steering wheel, your car door, your keys, my door handle, EVERYWHERE.. And there is NOTHING sexy about sharing your hand bacteria with my precious body. I DON"T WANT IT, THANX! IT'LL BURN WHEN I PEE! K, THANX AGAIN! Annnddd, while you're in the restroom washing your hands, please feel free to grab a mini-dixie cup and a splash of minty-mouthwash. Do this and I WILL LITERALLY NEVER STOP KISSING YOU!!! :) (6) Cue triumphant glorious overture from the heavens above! It's FINALLY time for "relax, enjoy, repeat"! "Relax, enjoy, repeat" is what this is ALL ABOUT, my DUDE!!!! ALLLLL of the high 5's!!!
Some final words on The Big Day: Thank you so much for sticking with me this far. WE DID IT!!! (and then we did it! lolz) It's an extremely flattering experience to be chosen as your luxury companion when you need a respite from the busy world. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
And now... if your time is up, ya gotta go, friend! I luv ya, but ya gotta go. :)